Living in the moment

I remember lots of times when I was growing up I would say "I can't wait for the weekend" or "I can't wait for summer". My parents would always say "don't wish your life away". I also remember sitting in chapel at JCS and hearing a teacher tell us the same thing. To stop wishing for the next thing in life and focus on right now. Well, God has made it where I literally have to live in today because I don't even know where I'm going to be living after June 30. If we decide to do the special rotation in Miami, we can extend our lease on a month to month basis. If the rotation timing overlaps with the date we could start rotations in a city where we can do all (or the majority of) his rotations, then we'll move to a new city. I can't plan for anything in my future right now! I wish I knew where we were going and for how long. I would love to start apartment hunting and searching for a job in our "new city" (which will most likely be Atlanta, Chicago, or New York). I can't even buy plane tickets home for my brother's wedding in July because I don't know what city I'll be flying out of! Ryan and I currently have furniture and many, many boxes of our belongings stored at his parents' house, my parents' house, my grandaddy's house, and here with us in Miami. I'm not complaining (or not meaning to) but I am looking forward to settling down and knowing that once I unpack a box I won't have to pack it again for a really long time. I'm ready for us to get involved with a community and a church that we will be long-term members of, rather than just a couple of months. But, we are still enjoying the journey, even though I'm sometimes ready to reach our destination and park it for a while.

Tomorrow is Ryan's last day of school. As always, he's worked really hard and done really well. Seriously, I would want him to be my doctor even if I wasn't married to him. To celebrate the end of 5th semester we are going to Key West with Rabbi, Lisa, and Adam. To save money we decided to all stay in the same room. So, it's basically going to be like a big slumber party/camp out before we all go our separate ways. (sad! sniff.) Ryan and I drove to Miami exactly 2 years ago this weekend for him to start MERP. He met Adam, Rabbi, Craig, and Scott the first week of school and they became study buddies. Ever since then we have lived in the same city (and same apartment complex the majority of the time) as Rabbi, Lisa, and Adam. We are very thankful for their friendship and will be so sad to part ways.

Even though school is ending, Ryan will be studying full-time and non-stop for USMLE Step 1. I am coming home April 20-28 and will be participating in the half marathon with my dad. Ryan is going to come home April 23-28. We can't wait! We looked at the course for the race and I really think somebody measured incorrectly because it sure looks like more than 13.1 miles! I hope I survive! I've been training in Miami...which is flat. My dad told me to train a little on the treadmill and put it on an incline. I did and holy cow it slowed me down a lot. I've decided that I'm just going to focus on getting through it and not worrying too much about my time. Even if I finish in last place (please don't let me finish last out of over 25,000 people!), it will still be an accomplishment.

I hope everybody has a wonderful Easter! We have been studying the book of Luke at church and last Sunday we studied the crucifixion. No matter how many times I hear the story (which I have heard it many times), I always feel so sick to my stomach and like I just want to start bawling in the middle of church. I'm really looking forward to hearing the story of the resurrection this Sunday! So last Sunday after the sermon we sang a beautiful song that I didn't know before we got to Miami, called Magnificat. We sing it in 4 parts, kind of like The Greatest Commands. The sopranos part says "My soul magnifies the Lord, my spirit rejoices in God, my Savior" and we just keep repeating. A little girl on the second row, who could not have been older than 4, was singing at the top of her lungs. It was the sweetest, purest sound you could imagine and it brought tears to my eyes. And she didn't stop singing until the song was over. A few weeks ago one of the men on the preaching team at church told a story of how he went into a children's class and asked the kids "who can sing?" and immediately all of the kids started yelling "I can" and they started singing different songs. Then he asked "who can dance?" and again they all said they could and said "watch!", as they started dancing around. He asked them if anyone could draw and they all started scribbling pictures and holding them up, saying "I can draw, see?!" He then went into a class of adults and asked the same questions and everyone was reluctant to raise their hands. A few hands shyly went up when asked who could sing. Nobody wanted to admit they could dance. Something happens to us between childhood and adulthood and it's really sad. We start doubting our ability to do things. I wish I had the confidence to sit in church and sing at the top of my lungs without feeling shy or embarrassed (I also wish a prettier sound came out when I opened my mouth to sing). I'm not sure what the point is of me telling this story, but it made me think about how I want to be more like a child and celebrate the things I can do, even though others might do them better. Who really cares?? Coming in last place in something is still better than not participating at all. Right? Right! :)